Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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