If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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