no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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