addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize