Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
