Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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