i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
