T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
