I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
