My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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