i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
