imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
