If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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