My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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