Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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