I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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