Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
