It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
