i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
