She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
