his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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