If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
