If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize