You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
