my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
