Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
