my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
