I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
