If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
