***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
