he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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