And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize