SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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