I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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