"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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