I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
