we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FUCK WHALES
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
