so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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