there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
