She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
