K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
