Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
