He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
