your parents love me but you hate me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
