I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
