Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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