I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize