i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
