im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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