So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
