This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
