Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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