I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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