there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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