I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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