I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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