if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
