i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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