I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
