She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
