I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
