and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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