i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
