I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
