therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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