Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
