Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
