so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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