just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
