I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
