and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
